Pumpkin time

Personal reminder

2009-11-04T13:57:00.003-05:00

What does this

have to do with this?

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/11/03/us.embassy.london/

The times they are [not really] a-changin'

2009-05-01T17:07:00.007-04:00

Oh. hello there. I have wondered from time to time why I lost interest in regularly updating this online journal. A quick scan of past posts revealed the answer: I'm still as unemployed as I was when I first created this blog as a distraction back in September.

Wecome to life...where things don't go as planned.

During the past nine months, I've felt frustrated and paralyzed with anxiety. But I've also felt comforted by a thousand small gestures of support and some incredible opportunities. I have learned some new things and I think I'm a bit more fearless than I was even in London by myself. I have a clearer picture of the direction where I hope to take my career. I have friends and family who keep me centered and smiling.

At the moment, I'm nervous. These next four weeks are critical. I need to find work -- even temporary. But I feel up for the challenge. In some ways, now more than ever seems like I'm on the cusp of a new chapter. In other ways, though, I think I've learned to (at least from time to time) enjoy the moment.

Some parts of the past few years are still painful, which makes it easier to look to the future. But I have a better understanding about the necessity of "endings."

I wish I'd spent the past nine months getting a steady paycheck with health insurance and money left over to start making a dent in my student loan (and other) payments. I wish I had that security. I hope I have it soon.

But I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunities I did have to work with journalists in the Middle East and to pitch stories on far-flung topics to former editors. I have never felt more grateful for strong, funny, caring and endlessly supportive friends, former co-workers and professors and my devoted family.

I am sitting here nervous. worrying. wishing for a way to take action. do more. fix this. But I'm also looking forward to talking to my mom, seeing and hearing from friends and rereading a blissful old book.

"Have the guts to accept life without guarantees, and to let good fortune speak for itself." -- unknown (or, sadly, forgotten)

Now for some pictures of the gorgeous typewriter I found with a "take me" sign on someone's front lawn two summers ago. My mom and sister brought it to me a few weeks ago from our garage in Ohio. The bouquet of Ranunculus (my new favorites) look pretty great next to the old thing... such a pity the flowers normally reside in the sink basin -- to thwart a certain someone's excited attempts to knock the vase onto the floor (again. and again).

So I am thinking...

2009-01-07T16:41:00.001-05:00

...that the key to a successful (read: employable) new year is to come up with a quirky year-long online project that I can eventually turn into be a bestselling memoir about my experience. I mean how hard can it be? Snarky, bored and dissatisfied urban woman does X for 365 days, writes about it and ends atop the New York Times Bestseller List.

Screw pitching a freelance piece for the Atlantic. Forget writing a compelling biography of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Never mind begging my freelance employer to send me to Damascus...

I need ideas. Right now, I'm inspired to develop something around this theme.

Update: Hell.

Brayden: The cure for what(ever) ails you.

2008-11-28T22:35:00.004-05:00

Spending 24/7 with my nephew has been pure bliss and a great daily workout (TL: He tells me "you can do it" while I'm shredding in the morning!). As I type this he is running around the basement with a toy hockey stick and puck, yelling "Let's go Jackets!" (uh the Columbus Blue Jackets for those -- like me -- who would have no reason to know what in the world that means). An hour ago we were bopping around to music when he informed me that we were "dancing with the stars."

The best part yet? Waking up every morning to a two-year-old sitting on my stomach smiling down at me, asking: "are you staying today Jen?"

In a few days I have to return to reality but for now someone needs me to be a goalie...

Here's one way to hold myself accountable...

2008-11-22T22:38:00.004-05:00

...make a list of personal goals public.

In my very limited exposure to blogging, I've found it's much easier (read: less nerve-wracking) to post cute Brayden comments rather than thoughtful reflections.

I (try to) make my living as a writer but I'm still not used to sharing too many personal details -- even if, realistically, the only people visiting this site are close friends and family members. I instinctively shy away from allowing myself to become "the story," and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with having a personal (ha) online journal.

That said, I want to keep experimenting a bit. The past year involved many attempts to rediscover a sense of self. I made progress, but I'm not there yet. I hope this helps.

Twenty-nine goals for 2009 (and the 12 months leading up to my 29th year): *

1. Show the people I love how much they mean to me

2. Craft a new budget to accommodate student loan payments (*heart* grad school)

3. Have friends over for dinner!

4. Run Army 10M in October

5. Take a weekend trip with mom and Amanda & get Shawn to come and stay here for a few days

6. Sign up for a class (fiction writing/foreign language/photography, etc.)

7. Go hiking at Great Falls

8. Send a check to mom and shawn (*heart* unemployment)

9. Have a great (*fun*) date(s!)

10. Bring Zoey home

11. Look into finding a dog (LATE 2009)

12. Look into a new computer and camera (summer 2009)

13. Start a savings plan for overseas trip with Karen (2010?)

14. Stick with workout routine

15. Write a freelance magazine story (and pitch it!)

16. Play catch on the mall (reclaim something you love)

*I'll try to add the rest before the new year...

Note: "Finding a job" did not make the list. Why? Optimism.

Cute nephew edition #2

2008-11-16T12:24:00.002-05:00

Me: I had spagetti for dinner also.

Brayden: Did you have orange pop too?

Have I mentioned...

2008-11-13T14:50:00.009-05:00

My obsession with the homes designed by, well, rich people in Bali?! Apparently, the NYTimes got the memo.

Gorgeous.

Inspiring.

Unbelieavably romantic.

Job. Love. Rendezvous in paradise. I'm kinda open to whatever order the fates decide to go with here...

Cute nephew edition #1

2008-10-30T00:06:00.004-04:00

Mom/"grandma": We kept telling Brayden that men were coming to put in carpeting downstairs and he would get so upset. When they came this morning, he threw a fit for 45 minutes. He really hates change.

Me: Clearly, he's my nephew.

Mom: When they left, I tried to show him how much fun carpeting could be so we rolled around and played on it. Now he loves it.

[A few minutes later (during a slow moment in the Lion King)]

Mom: Brayden, do you want to talk to Aunt Jen? Do you want to tell her about the new carpeting in the basement?

Brayden: Hi! We got new carpeting!

Me: You did?

Brayden: Yes! Grandma, can I show Jen the carpeting?

Mom: She can't see the carpet through the phone.

Brayden: Yes she can.

Me: Sure I can.

Mom: She can see the carpet when she comes to visit next time.

Brayden: You can come tomorrow.

Mom: Not tomorrow. But soon. She'll come soon.

Me: [but i want to hang out with him now!!!]

Collect all nine...

2008-10-29T23:06:00.003-04:00

She stands alone (for now)...

Thanks Alka! :-)

Phenomenal Woman: My kimono friend

2008-10-17T14:06:00.009-04:00

If there is one area in my life where I have been eternally fortunate it is in my friendships. Along with the endless support and the daily reality check I get from my family, I draw so much strength, inspiration and courage from my friends. In the past few years alone I've been broken-hearted, unsure about my decision to go back to school, lonely, discouraged and now stuck looking for work. I know none of these problems are as tragic or trying as illness, real poverty or the loss of a loved one. But they have been stumbling blocks, and I found myself leaning again and again on the same people. I could go on and on here but the point really is that I try never to forget how lucky I am or how lost I'd be without all of you.

One friend in particular has been on my mind lately. She is about to bring her first little one into the world and it hasn't been the easiest pregnancy. She's far, far away so I can't spend time keeping her company while she's on forced bed-rest like I wish I could. Her husband, also a dear friend, has been her anchor, and so I know she is in good hands. Still, I wish I could transport myself to Japan right now to make her tea and paint her toenails.

I met Karen for the first time at a Navy football game three years ago. This was a big moment for me. I had heard so much about her husband and this was a grown-up "couple" activity. You know how you meet someone and just click? It happens with boys but it also happens with your girlfriends -- I bet this has happened to most of the people who've met Karen. She brought a camera and was taking pictures while the boys chatted. Photography was one of her recent hobbies -- one of many I would discover. We chatted and then the next week she sent me photos from the afternoon. Soon the four of us became attached at the hip.

When we went to her house for the first time, I remember exchanging glances with N that probably said -- "oh my god, grownups live here." There was actual matching furniture. A candle (cranberrry chutney -- yup, I took note and went out and bought the same candle like a good little sis) was burning in the bathroom. Karen cooked. And she cooked well. Basically I felt like I was 25-going-on-19 when we were together.

The thing is that if she was recounting our first few meetings she'd tell you a completely different version of events. That was the great thing about the two of us -- we had such mutual interest in each other's talents and ambitions.

Not long after we met, the four of us embarked on some very big adventures -- in three very different parts of the world. Even though N and I often said how much we wanted to keep Karen and Greg in our lives forever, I wasn't sure it would work out as work and personal obligations pulled us in different directions. I should have known better. Karen started e-mailing me as I settled into school and she settled into a new and challenging life in Japan. Once again I found myself living vicariously through her. She soaked up the culture. She took an interest in native activities. She stepped out of her comfort zone on a daily basis. And she chronicled all of her adventures on a funny, smart and irreverent blog that quickly gained fans beyond her friend base.

When my relationship with N ended, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to maintain my friendship with Karen. The four of us had been so close but I was suddenly the odd man out. Again Karen reached out. In the past two years, our friendship has evolved into something entirely new and separate. This meandering entry doesn't come close to doing justice to this woman or her quick-witted, driven, self-depricating and warm personality. She embodies her strength so effortlessly. I was lying in bed last night and I thought of a Maya Angelou poem that I hadn't read since high school. The phenomenal woman is Karen.

When I first met Karen, becoming a mom wasn't an immediate priority. In the last year though -- when she decided she was ready to have children -- she approached it in the same classic Karen-style. She researched and prepared, she stepped out of her comfort zone, she documented the key moments with the same light-hearted but astute observations that have characterized all of passionate endeavors.

With parents like these two, this little boy is going to have it made. Now if they would just quit being so successful and adventurous and move back to town....

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care

Don't you wish ...

2008-10-05T01:03:00.005-04:00

... you went to the pumpkin patch with Brayden today? I do!

Apparently there were no shots of the actual pumpkins because the big barn full of corn was the real hit!

GG: Check out the goat!

sister: you may hate having your picture displayed for three or four to see on this goofy blog, but you look gorgeous as always and so happy holding your little man. He got his cuteness from his momma! He got his adoration of the Lion King from his aunt...

See, now you can't be upset that I used a photo of you because I, clearly, look like the bigger idiot (note: I'm taking this down as soon as I get a full-time job!)

Pimping out a great cause...

2008-10-03T21:59:00.004-04:00

My momma (with the boy)

In order to find a cure for breast cancer, scientists need to study women who are sick AND those who are healthy. Army of Women matches women of all ages and backgrounds with breast cancer trials near where they live. You fill out a simple online survey and then they will contact you if there are opportunities to help out in your part of town. This seems like a great way to exert a bit of control that usually leaves many of us feeling so powerless....

We're mavericks too...

2008-10-03T10:36:00.003-04:00

Last night, I watched the debate at a classy bar w/T and spent much of the time yelling at the TV -- that's what people do when they watch football, right? Politics = a great sport. T and I learned a lot but we're news gals and we'll keep these thoughts to ourselves unless wine (and clearly not even that much wine) is involved.... (wink!)

Lame but true...

2008-09-29T22:04:00.005-04:00

My clock radio is possessed.

I've held off on admitting this to anyone -- let alone the Internet -- but it can no longer be blamed on unemployment-induced insanity. Readers: I have some freelance work! There is no health insurance or job security but I think ( -- I HOPE -- ) that the tide is turning.

Back to the clock radio. It makes noises, which I wish I was better at describing. It sounds kind of like a buzz or a hum. It doesn't last long but it's loud and it happens at least four or five times throughout the night. Each time I jump up, which totally ruins the part in my dream where I'm having thai food with the cute guy who I've seen (twice!) walking his french bulldog near Pentagon Row.

Dislcosure: It may be my cell phone that is possessed. Both of these objects sit on an end table by my bed. I'm performing a test tonight by leaving the cell on the floor. Science and all manner of experiments are not a particular skill set of mine but I'll report back with the results nonetheless.

Ummm also...since we're being honest...I think my kitchen may be haunted as well. And by "haunted" I mean inhabited by a stealth spider that seems determined to conceal itself until I let my guard down again. Bastard.

That is all. Oh...and....freelance work -- hurray!

Another list -- this time with pictures!

2008-09-25T13:35:00.007-04:00

I saw this over at Simple Lovely. It's a fun idea and it takes up time if you are sitting at home waiting for a future employer to call you.... Go here if you ever find yourself horribly bored and in need of an excuse to look at countless photos of french bulldog puppies.... :-)

A few favorite things...

1. French bulldogs (naturally)
2. Peonies (from a farmers market, thanks)
3. Antique typewriters
4. Built-in bookshelves (heaven)
5. Ballet flats ("")
6. Fall
7. A collection of stories from the writer who I most wish to emulate.
8. Texas sheet cake
9. Travel
10. Lilacs (There was a beautiful lilac tree right outside the bedroom I shared with my sister as a child)
11. English breakfast tea
12. Outdoor cafes (that remind me of long dinners with friends)

I'm staying optimistic but...

2008-09-21T21:50:00.005-04:00

The other day, I wrote to the D.C. humane society about volunteer opportunities. Ummm... apparently they aren't taking any new volunteers until they hire someone to be the shelter's volunteer coordinator. I took this to mean one of two things -- either I really am supposed to be chained to my macbook 24/7 or I need to reconsider my career field. I have a suspicion, however, that a "volunteer coordinator" makes a bit less than a journalist....

Some time after I decided I didn't want to be a ballerina and before I knew I wanted to be a writer, I became convinced that I should work with our local humane society in Columbus. At the time, my aunt ran a shelter in Detroit and my mom had been involved in animal rescue work since she was a little girl. I spent some time shadowing the "cruelty investigators" and wrote a few "what I want to when I grow up" papers about somehow being involved in the animal rescue community. Several years later, I got so involved in my high school newspaper that I stopped volunteering at the humane society. It's been a few more years now and I really would like to find a way to contribute again.

(So far, this entire entry has made me realize that I've been pretty career-obsessed for most of my life -- the irony! Apparently the first thing I every wanted to be was a "grandma." In 8th Grade, Mrs. Kent made me realize I wanted to be a writer. In 10th Grade, I knew I wanted to be a journalist and in 12th Grade I knew I wanted to write about politics. Could the Gods of Employment throw me a bone now? Thanks.)

OK...enough bitching. i have some good news to report. Bruegger's Bagels is back from the dead! My very favorite lunch place (with yummy pickles and muenster cheese on bagels!) disappeared from Columbus 10 years ago (because I am seriously now THAT old) and has magically reappeared in D.C. This has been the highlight of my month of job-search hell. If a Graeter’s opens here then maybe I'll survive another month w/o a paycheck!

As if Bruegger's could get any cooler...it offers free wi-fi. I made the most of the bagel and cream cheese I purchased by sitting there for at least four hours the other day. I ended up live-blogging with T about the young guy sitting next to me. In my defense: he stared first! I'm sure he was curious about the silly chick who kept refreshing "journalismjobs.com" and then letting out a massive sigh....

On closer inspection, I realized a. he could not have been more than 20-years-old and could probably have fit into my jeans and b. he was studying stage directions for Romeo & Juliet! At first this only served to reinforce that a. he was far too young and skinny to be the great "boyfriend I met at my favorite lunch spot while I was unemployed" and b. man, I won't be able to afford to see R&J at the Shakespeare Theater this month. On the bright side, I am pretty sure I sat next to Romeo's understudy for several hours!

Apologies. This entry has dragged on longer than the Emmys (the worst Emmy broadcast I think I have ever seen!). Before I go: Best dressed? This (minus the fake tan), this or this. Worst? Def. this.

Lists

2008-09-18T21:02:00.004-04:00

For a control freak, lists are therapeutic. In a world gone mad (a world where finding a job is clearly not in the cards), making a series of completely pointless lists brings me focus (and a welcomed feeling of control -- over my dreams at least).

Here is one of my favorite (and most illogical given my current circumstances) lists of late. GG, TL and KF (and any other lovely friends or family members who have resisted posting on my self-indulgent little public journal in the past) -- what are some of your favorite lists?

Top 10 Places To Visit (in no particular order):*

1. Havana
2. Bali
3. Amalfi Coast
4. Bangkok
5. The Greek Isles
6. Cairo
7. Namibia
8. Singapore
9. Tunis
10. Victoria, British Columbia

*This list really does change on a daily basis. Also, I'm accepting takers for anyone who wants to go on these trips with me when we are all rich and famous.

Stuck

2008-09-17T21:50:00.003-04:00

First the good:
Wonderful and supportive family and friends.
My health and the health of of my loved ones.
An apartment that I missed for two long months.
My city.
Adorable nephew.
The knowledge that things do get better.
The absence of any excuse to prevent me from working out on a regular basis.

And now the bad:
No job.
A spider that has taken over my kitchen.
Rent.
Bills.
Student loans.
Northwestern craziness (still).
So much free time that I've turned back to self-indulgent blogging...

Executive summary: I am lucky. I love my friends and family dearly. Spiders suck. I need a job.