Personal reminder

What does this



have to do with this?



http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/11/03/us.embassy.london/

The times they are [not really] a-changin'

Oh. hello there. I have wondered from time to time why I lost interest in regularly updating this online journal. A quick scan of past posts revealed the answer: I'm still as unemployed as I was when I first created this blog as a distraction back in September.

Wecome to life...where things don't go as planned.

During the past nine months, I've felt frustrated and paralyzed with anxiety. But I've also felt comforted by a thousand small gestures of support and some incredible opportunities. I have learned some new things and I think I'm a bit more fearless than I was even in London by myself. I have a clearer picture of the direction where I hope to take my career. I have friends and family who keep me centered and smiling.

At the moment, I'm nervous. These next four weeks are critical. I need to find work -- even temporary. But I feel up for the challenge. In some ways, now more than ever seems like I'm on the cusp of a new chapter. In other ways, though, I think I've learned to (at least from time to time) enjoy the moment.

Some parts of the past few years are still painful, which makes it easier to look to the future. But I have a better understanding about the necessity of "endings."

I wish I'd spent the past nine months getting a steady paycheck with health insurance and money left over to start making a dent in my student loan (and other) payments. I wish I had that security. I hope I have it soon.

But I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunities I did have to work with journalists in the Middle East and to pitch stories on far-flung topics to former editors. I have never felt more grateful for strong, funny, caring and endlessly supportive friends, former co-workers and professors and my devoted family.

I am sitting here nervous. worrying. wishing for a way to take action. do more. fix this. But I'm also looking forward to talking to my mom, seeing and hearing from friends and rereading a blissful old book.

"Have the guts to accept life without guarantees, and to let good fortune speak for itself." -- unknown (or, sadly, forgotten)

Now for some pictures of the gorgeous typewriter I found with a "take me" sign on someone's front lawn two summers ago. My mom and sister brought it to me a few weeks ago from our garage in Ohio. The bouquet of Ranunculus (my new favorites) look pretty great next to the old thing... such a pity the flowers normally reside in the sink basin -- to thwart a certain someone's excited attempts to knock the vase onto the floor (again. and again).

So I am thinking...

...that the key to a successful (read: employable) new year is to come up with a quirky year-long online project that I can eventually turn into be a bestselling memoir about my experience. I mean how hard can it be? Snarky, bored and dissatisfied urban woman does X for 365 days, writes about it and ends atop the New York Times Bestseller List.

Screw pitching a freelance piece for the Atlantic. Forget writing a compelling biography of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Never mind begging my freelance employer to send me to Damascus...

I need ideas. Right now, I'm inspired to develop something around this theme.

Update: Hell.

Brayden: The cure for what(ever) ails you.

Spending 24/7 with my nephew has been pure bliss and a great daily workout (TL: He tells me "you can do it" while I'm shredding in the morning!). As I type this he is running around the basement with a toy hockey stick and puck, yelling "Let's go Jackets!" (uh the Columbus Blue Jackets for those -- like me -- who would have no reason to know what in the world that means). An hour ago we were bopping around to music when he informed me that we were "dancing with the stars."

The best part yet? Waking up every morning to a two-year-old sitting on my stomach smiling down at me, asking: "are you staying today Jen?"

In a few days I have to return to reality but for now someone needs me to be a goalie...

Here's one way to hold myself accountable...

...make a list of personal goals public.

In my very limited exposure to blogging, I've found it's much easier (read: less nerve-wracking) to post cute Brayden comments rather than thoughtful reflections.

I (try to) make my living as a writer but I'm still not used to sharing too many personal details -- even if, realistically, the only people visiting this site are close friends and family members. I instinctively shy away from allowing myself to become "the story," and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with having a personal (ha) online journal.

That said, I want to keep experimenting a bit. The past year involved many attempts to rediscover a sense of self. I made progress, but I'm not there yet. I hope this helps.

Twenty-nine goals for 2009 (and the 12 months leading up to my 29th year): *

1. Show the people I love how much they mean to me

2. Craft a new budget to accommodate student loan payments (*heart* grad school)

3. Have friends over for dinner!

4. Run Army 10M in October

5. Take a weekend trip with mom and Amanda & get Shawn to come and stay here for a few days

6. Sign up for a class (fiction writing/foreign language/photography, etc.)

7. Go hiking at Great Falls

8. Send a check to mom and shawn (*heart* unemployment)

9. Have a great (*fun*) date(s!)

10. Bring Zoey home

11. Look into finding a dog (LATE 2009)

12. Look into a new computer and camera (summer 2009)

13. Start a savings plan for overseas trip with Karen (2010?)

14. Stick with workout routine

15. Write a freelance magazine story (and pitch it!)

16. Play catch on the mall (reclaim something you love)

*I'll try to add the rest before the new year...

Note: "Finding a job" did not make the list. Why? Optimism.

Cute nephew edition #2

Me: I had spagetti for dinner also.

Brayden: Did you have orange pop too?

Have I mentioned...

My obsession with the homes designed by, well, rich people in Bali?! Apparently, the NYTimes got the memo.





Gorgeous.





Inspiring.





Unbelieavably romantic.


Job. Love. Rendezvous in paradise. I'm kinda open to whatever order the fates decide to go with here...