Wecome to life...where things don't go as planned.
During the past nine months, I've felt frustrated and paralyzed with anxiety. But I've also felt comforted by a thousand small gestures of support and some incredible opportunities. I have learned some new things and I think I'm a bit more fearless than I was even in London by myself. I have a clearer picture of the direction where I hope to take my career. I have friends and family who keep me centered and smiling.
At the moment, I'm nervous. These next four weeks are critical. I need to find work -- even temporary. But I feel up for the challenge. In some ways, now more than ever seems like I'm on the cusp of a new chapter. In other ways, though, I think I've learned to (at least from time to time) enjoy the moment.
Some parts of the past few years are still painful, which makes it easier to look to the future. But I have a better understanding about the necessity of "endings."
I wish I'd spent the past nine months getting a steady paycheck with health insurance and money left over to start making a dent in my student loan (and other) payments. I wish I had that security. I hope I have it soon.
But I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunities I did have to work with journalists in the Middle East and to pitch stories on far-flung topics to former editors. I have never felt more grateful for strong, funny, caring and endlessly supportive friends, former co-workers and professors and my devoted family.
I am sitting here nervous. worrying. wishing for a way to take action. do more. fix this. But I'm also looking forward to talking to my mom, seeing and hearing from friends and rereading a blissful old book.
"Have the guts to accept life without guarantees, and to let good fortune speak for itself." -- unknown (or, sadly, forgotten)
Now for some pictures of the gorgeous typewriter I found with a "take me" sign on someone's front lawn two summers ago. My mom and sister brought it to me a few weeks ago from our garage in Ohio. The bouquet of Ranunculus (my new favorites) look pretty great next to the old thing... such a pity the flowers normally reside in the sink basin -- to thwart a certain someone's excited attempts to knock the vase onto the floor (again. and again).
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